1995 I fell in love & lust.

1995 I was on the verge of breaking up with my girlfriend. Only to date another girl whom I would later find, only liked me for popularity & jealousy.




Monica is still a powerful artist, and performer. Now grown with children and many life experiences, her music is still moving hearts all over the world. I still remember a conversation with her, after she performed at the "June Black Arts Festival" here in Huntsville. As her Limo crawled through the crowd, I handed her my pager number. All I kept thinking was "Is she REALLY going to call me". A firm slap on the back of my head literally snapped me back to reality. Thanks Bobby! A friend of mine who caught me dazed, standing in the middle of the road watching her tag disappear in the sea of cars.

The crowd I grew up with typically didn't listen to any R&B. Sure one on one with a girl calls for any mood music. But we all agreed that Al Green, Prince, and other old school groups were just as good if not better than our generation's music. Monica was one of the few artists I wouldn't be embarrassed to play around my friends. Her kicks were hard and thick, slapping loud snares, and deep soulful groovy bass lines. Not to mention she was fine.


My girlfriend at the time, escaped from Atlanta to a more stable household with her aunt. Who was one of my friend's mother. I'm the last to jump at the opportunity to date one of my home boy's family. She could be intimidating with her looks, wit , and hood character. I kept thinking " She's got too much good hair to be hood" . All the girls I knew in the hood had short hair, braids or weave. Her hair was naturally long, and a little curly. She kept telling me to ignore my so called "honor" to her cousin. I couldn't resist her for too long, any girl that can make me laugh is always a guaranteed win.




Through a lingering guilt that I drew up on my own, and selfish ways, I fell in lust with a girl at school whom I'll call "Tiffany.". My girlfriend was attending a magnet school, her interest was art. She could draw like nobody I ever knew. Cartoons, landscapes, cars, and my favorite; "X men" and other Saturday morning cartoon characters. Tiffany as common for some girls, only liked me because NOW I had a girlfriend, and nobody wants somebody that ain't got nobody ! That's just how it worked then and still to some extent today. Tiffany was very popular, but people knew who my girlfriend was. She came to all my track and football games, and met me halfway to walk home, since her school was close. Many girls have this thing against light skinned girls, tomboyish, long pretty hair, and especially with an accent from out of town. She frowned upon fast food, and she loved soul food. We spent hours on the phone talking about sports, music, and our future plans. 


Things were steady with my girlfriend but she began spending more time away from me. She also began to like the extra attention from guys in the neighborhood. When she wasn't in her books, she was drawing, and when she wasn't doing that ;she was keeping her sister from sleeping with my brother which we always argued about. I was too selfish with her needs and began thinking I wasn't important to her anymore. I waited for the perfect reason to leave her so I could date Tiffany with a clear concise.




I'll tell you more after the break.

Monica - Before You Walk Out Of My Life by chirine

click below for part 2. 


The latter part of our school year rained every single day for weeks.Over the course of 2 days which seemed like an entire week, me and my girlfriend argued. Before this thought of Tiffany crossed my mind we NEVER argued ; seriously anyway. Just disagreements.
We exchanged words we never spoke to one another, hit low blows, even yelling . Way too much anger for some middle school kids.


I had a boom box which I kept on all the time, because I recorded "Pause tapes" to sell at school. On the day that I decided to break up with her, I heard Monica's voice fill the room. I knew what the song it was from the beginning chords. I rushed down stairs to find somewhere quiet to call my girlfriend since I was too cowardly to break up face to face. My brother was on the couch watching MTV.Ironically, the video began playing. Now I heard the song several times before but this was my first time seeing the video.


What killed my intentions to break up with my girlfriend was something as simple as sitting down. While watching it, I kept thinking "She sits JUST  like that," . In the beginning of the video, Monica is squatting on the curb outside a house, then on the roof, then again on some steps. Crouched  with both hands, propped on her legs.Then for the first time, the words made sense, they were speaking to me, her gestures, and expressions, were getting to me in a big way. "I only want to make things Riiiiiiiight" Monica sings. Kept ringing in my head. Before the video ended, my girlfriend was knocking on my door. We sat on my porch watching the rain fall. I finally got the courage to tell her what was going on. After I convinced her not to kick Tiffany's ass and mine, I apologized and we just sat on the porch, talking for hours late in the night.


To this day, everytime I hear that song, I can clearly remember that year, and I get a clear picture of my girlfriend. The next year we broke up and she moved back to Atlanta to get her life back together with her sister and family. I hope she's doing well. I'll always remember and love
Chilli , (Thank you for great memories.) .